Parenting through September School Transitions

If your kids are cranky and uncooperative and you think your parenting is to blame, you may want to reconsider. Letting go of glorious summer to face school routines isn’t easy. Many kids have separation anxiety. Kids naturally have mixed emotions, which may spill out as tantrums, new monsters under the bed, refusals to do things, or extra need for reassurance. While this can be frustrating and inconvenient for us, it’s normal for children as this – and any! – transition approaches.

We can help kids adapt and accept new routines by welcoming their mixed emotions instead of trying to stop or limit them. It’s these unexpressed emotions that drive their less-than-desirable behavior.

Facing separation is alarming for kids. What’s a parent to do? Making the parent-child relationship a priority during transitions provides an anchor for the child. Building times of connection into these September days – like walks, stories, laughter, backrubs, and family meals – provides the child rest from the tensions of the day.

Once school starts, connect with them in the mornings before rushing out the door. This does not need to take lots of time. Making a moment to greet them warmly, and fill them up with our love – before asking them to get dressed and get in the car – can have profound benefits.

It is also important to ‘bridge’ the inevitable separation that’s coming: Let them know how much you are looking forward to seeing them at the end of the day, and cuddling in for a bedtime story. This will help them hold on to you and focus on your connection rather than on saying goodbye.

Accepting the turbulence of transitions and supporting your children will help them re-emerge as the more cooperative, balanced kids you remember, and remind you that your parenting, and your kids, are OK after all.

References

Gordon Neufeld, Making Sense of Anxiety, Neufeld Institute Vancouver BC, Canada. 

Heather Ferguson is on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, and a Clinical Counsellor in private practice in the Cowichan Valley, B.C.